Babies and texas

So, I thought I might get away without the whole morning sickness thing...I was sorta right...I'm not sick only in the morning...but all day...for two weeks now...and it's getting old and I don't like that I get nothing done. The worst is making yourself eat when you feel like throwing up...because if you don't you won't eat at all cause you ALWAYS feel like throwing up...awful...so far, I don't like pregnancy at all. So much have I been feeling ill that I have often thought about calling the whole thing off...I'm not into abortion, so I don't know how it would work...but I don't know how long I can do this...what's really annoying is that the clinic hasn't called with an OBGYN apt yet...that would at least set my mind at ease...knowing that at some point a professional would be able to answer some questions...and I feel like I am letting Jason down...like I am hurting him by not doing anything...I feel fake even, I know how I feel and its not good...but when there is nothing wrong with you...your not throwing up....you look okay, I think it's hard for him to believe that I really feel this bad...I would be happy to trade if it were an option. I really need this to pass soon...I feel like I am at my end for this...like I can't continue on this same path feeling like this...desperate I guess. I'm sure a lot of it is nerves, not knowing what's all that normal or what I should do to fix things...I'm sure it's because I'm out in the middle of nowhere with no family or friends within driving distance...unless I'm up for a two day drive...and I don't feel like I should be driving at all right now...I feel so alone in this, Jason has school and friends from that and he feels fine...but I'm pregnant, in God forsaken TX alone all day feeling like death and there is no one to even talk to...I never thought about it till a few days ago, but there isn't going to be a shower for this little one...who would come? We are days away from family and friends...and to make good friends in such a short time as we will be in AZ before the baby is born would be a miracle that I am not holding out for...it takes time for people to want to invest in one another and I guess I don't have enough faith to believe that we will be able to make a few good friends in a few short months in a state we've never been to before. And I am really sick of moving...since we have been married we have moved together and individually six times...in less than two years...I am really wondering how we are going to pull off another in the next few weeks if I feel like this...even if we have a company do it for us I don't have what it takes to properly watch or direct them...and weve been talking about moving ourselves this next time because the movers broke and "lost" so much of our stuff last time...I know I am venting and that I'm not going to do anything rash...can't life ever let up?! Does it ever get good? Do things ever work out without something huge going wrong first? I don't want the pay off to be death, and a heaven I've never seen....I am not interested in living for something I havent been able to approve of yet...I know youre not supposed to hate heaven, but I'm sure it's possible for someone to and I bet ten bucks it would be me...I'll get posted on harp duty or some such nonsense and have to wear the dorky white costume and if I am really lucky it will have a big black bow to match the earthly one I had to wear at See's Candies...I am doomed to feel like crap and be the group geek for all eternity. I feel like a female Charlie Brown...but I don't get my own theme music...lame.
So, now on to the TX part of this blog: For some unknown reason they tend to drive half way on the shoulder of the road and half way on the "regular" part of the road....this is not because they want you to pass or because they plan to turn...this is just how they drive here. Instead of yielding on an on-ramp they come to a complete stop...so when you first get here you nearly rearend them everytime you get onto the freeway...they sell about 80 different kinds of chilie in the grocery stores, and in fact use beans for 90% of their cooking...if there is a bean, they know how to mess with it. It is also the only state where they could market anything armadillo...from purses to wine holders and bobble heads these little scaley guys are everywhere...I don't get it...we haven't even seen one yet.
Well, I think I've complained enough for one day...maybe I'll feel differently tomorrow.