STRESS with a capitol S

Here's a me snapshot...I am an emotional/hormonal person...my logic (if there is any) is usually feelings based and I take on a lot of other peoples emotional responses. For instance if someone goes through a hard/hurtful time I hurt along side them. Because of this I seek control (let's be honest, I like control, but this plays a role too) in every situation or else I tend to be all over the place within myself and that's never pretty. I struggle (much less now than in the past) with anxiety and depression and fear...these all tend to beget anger in me, and since that's my #1 enemy, and the biggest part of me that I try to change on a daily basis I tend to go for control (or the throat...if you will). Now here's a snapshot of my life: I'm a military wife, we move a lot, I have no control over when or where we move, or when or where my husband will deploy next. My Mom lives with us because my Dad hurt her and she has no where else to go (they are now divorced). My Mom is physically unable to have a job right now due to some health issues that should be clearing up soon, but who knows. This means one income goes for 5 people...we make about 2,200.00 a month...and we all eat Gluten Free...which costs a lot more than eating regular flour meals. All of these things are out of my hands, none of these things can I control...this all stresses me out. On top of these things are my two wonderful children...my daughter Lily is very intense...tenacious...she talks incessantly and is afraid of everything...most of my "Mom energy" goes to trying to keep her from freaking out about XYZ (the light in the bathroom, the noise she hears outside, Daddy going to work and when will he be home next...you name it and she's afraid of it). The rest of my energy goes to my son Michael who's spent the first 23 months of his life with an undiagnosed eye problem...he couldn't see so he cried...ALL THE TIME. Noise is one of my buttons, this is not a good combo! Crying child who is uninterested in normal childhood toys and games, won't read a book with me, won't eat, falls down all the time...once we got him glasses he started catching up. He stacked blocks, read books, ate food (a little better at least). Then we got his eyes aligned through surgery and things were even better...he was happier, cried less, he could run for the first time in his life, he was curious about things and how they work...but he still couldn't talk well. He's 3 years old and unless you're me you miss 9 out of 10 words he speaks...I get about 4...the other side of this is that he's not consistent in the way he struggles. Vowels may be an issue in one word and consonants the next. Sometimes he acts as if he can't hear you and I think it's because he can't make sense of the combo of words (his ears are just fine, he's been tested twice). For example, in speech therapy today his therapist asked Michael to hand me a marble...he gave it to her...she asked him again and pointed to me and he still gave it to her...then she asked him to say, "Go Marble!" and all he could say was, "GO!"...he usually can't pair words together when asked. I had no idea how stressed all of this struggling to understand my son had gotten me. I almost cried in the therapists office when she said she was amazed at how much I could understand from my son..and how unusual his patterns of speech and understanding are. She told me in 20 years of therapy he's the first of his kind that she has seen...daunting though. In all of this I am going to choose joy. I am choosing to be thrilled that Michael isn't "broken" or "stupid" or just "stubborn"...but rather has a real issue that can be helped and hopefully solved by the right professional. I am choosing to be grateful that our insurance will cover 2 dozen sessions!!!! I am choosing to not look at our bank account and stress, but rather be grateful we only owe money on our van and can pay our bills every month even if it does mean no eating out, no frills, no extras. I'm going to choose to not be angry that all of this has "happened" to our family...instead I'm just going to try and survive it and gain some understanding along the way. Mostly I am just venting...because I feel overwhelmed emotionally...in less than 2 hours today I went from super stressed out Mom to having an "Ah-ha!" moment with Mike...and who knew that his other biggest issue (not eating) was totally connected to his speech issues?! I was really blown away...we spent equal time talking about food and Michael as we talked about speech and Michael. There is hope now that meals won't be a battle forever...that someday (maybe even soon) we will understand 50% of what he says (rather than 2%) because he has a lot of things to say. I can't wait for him to be less frustrated because no one understands him...I want him to succeed and thrive, not scrape by. I just thought of one more reason I'm stressed...Mike has another surgery in 5 days for his man bits. He's got a concealed penis and has to have it surgically corrected or there could be all kinds of issues in the near future. This kiddo has gone through SO much in 1 year, glasses, eye surgery, Gluten Free diet, Daddy deployed for the 4th time in 3 years, speech therapy, Gramma moving in, having to go to Las Vegas 9 times in 3-4 months for Grammas surgeries, man bit surgery coming up....I feel like folks look at my son like he's not mentally all there...but I know better. He's had to go through a lot and you can't always understand him, but he's brilliant inside that head...and he's funny...I can't wait to get to know him better...I can't wait to be finished with the stress of surgeries, therapies, moving, you name it. I need some grace God and some peace would be nice too...I'll also accept wine.