I feel like tearing out my eyes...

Want a snap shot of the last 24 hours?! Want to know why I've got a "tude" (attitude for you oldies out there) most of the time...well here is a delightful gem. So, as all of FB knows I've been struggling with my kids and my husbands new schedule and our new town. Here's some det's (details for the crusties). For the last 4 1/2 years I've not had more than a few moments to myself...literally. My daughter is just one of those kids that never seems to stop or slow down and if it's not her it's the dog, my son, mother or husband. Really, I would love a few hours to sit and read in quiet, think uninterrupted thoughts and just generally be alone with no tasks pounding me square in my conscience...making me feel guilty for not DOING XYZ. You would think at night I would have a break, but that's not true either. Here's that snap shot I told you was coming. Jason is working nights this week...Kids go to bed at 7pm...I put the kids in bed, and made some dinner for me. Not 15 minutes later my daughter "needs to go potty"...so I monitor that situation because her track record for "going potty" is not good...usually it is an excuse to play in the sink. I get her back to bed and 45 min. later I get to go tell her that singing at the top of her lungs and marching across her bed is "Not happening, and not allowed". I finally give up on being left alone and take the laptop to my room to at least feel like I am relaxing while trying to relax. 9:30 I hear whispering in the living room...sure enough, my daughter is sneaking through the living room trying to make a play place on the floor (toys out, "bed" made, the whole bit)(I had the door to my room open and never heard anything till the whispers started...she's super sneaky)...I haul her back to her room and just as we pass the bathroom I notice the huge mess of soap and water all over the counter and in the sink. Now we've gone over the "no playing in the bathroom" rules about 1,000 times...she knows better and yet refuses to obey...I've tried everything to change this, but there is no change. So this time it's Mr. Fix It for the bathroom and the sneaking. I go back to my room hoping we are done for the night...10:20 my daughter comes busting in my room to tell me a bug is headed my way...back to bed we go...again as we pass the bathroom it has been trashed...Mr. Fix It is called upon and this time I tell her that as I have run out of ideas of ways to communicate the seriousness of our rules and her choice of breaking them that when Daddy comes home he will be coming in to give Mr. Fix It...finally she stays in bed and sleeps. This morning at 7 (as per usual) I go to the children and let them play a while in their room before breakfast. I am super tired and cranky as I had to talk to Jason about the discipline situation when he got home at 1am. The only "break" I had from the kids was while sleeping so I don't feel rested in spirit at all...and as I pass the bathroom I realize that last night I missed the bath towel that my daughter had squeezed liquid hand soap all over...all over...like wash it out in the sink before adding it to the washing machine lest it ruin it kind of all over. BAH! Parenting is not for wimps, not for the weak of heart, not for the lazy. We are consistent with discipline, we lay out rules clearly, we stick to a routine, we eat healthy food and do not watch TV of any kind...only dvd's that are child friendly...tell me what I am doing wrong...tell me what I can possible change...this child is more than I know how to handle. I want desperately to be able to enjoy her...but mostly I just feel tired and worn out when I think of her, much less interact with her. She is a constant being, always talking, needing, wanting...I give her my time, attention, meet her needs and tell her to go play with her brother when I just can't do more. We can't afford pre-school and she's too young for Kindergarten...she's too old for the regular play groups...so what choices do I have? I know about 3 people here, finances are super tight so I don't drive much as gas is absurd...everyone has great ideas...but they all cost money in some form or another. My only hope is that this is some kind of stage that she will eventually grow out of...that when she is older and more involved with other kids she won't be so needy all the time. In the length of time it has taken me to write this I've been interrupted twice to go and deal with her while she is supposed to be resting for nap time. I was foolish enough to think that by the time my children were this age I would have some semblance of a life...some freedom, time to myself. I honestly thought my kids would be obedient, listen when I spoke to them, care about the consequences. I have no idea where we went wrong, but clearly something is off. Now our son is a whole different ball of wax, he sleeps at night (shock) that break alone makes it a 1,000 times easier for me to deal with him all day long. He's also content to play alone a lot of the time. He's not usually very needy and he IS usually obedient. Sure he is a normal kid and breaks the rules and has naughty behavior just like any other kid his age...but even with all that he's worlds easier that my daughter to deal with. I do not think that she is "just naughty" or "bad"...but I do think there is something wrong and I have no clue what it is. A whole "other" topic would be the need for the kids to have their own rooms (as my son does sleep and my daughter doesn't you can see why that might be important)...but until my Mother moves out we can't do that...the waiting is horrible and then the guilt from feeling like this is horrible...how do I be a good daughter, wife AND mother in these situations? If we make it through all of this it will be a miracle...I guess it's good I believe in those.