I guess today I can't get enough

So, my house is trashed, I've not showered or dressed for two days, I'm feeling kinda blue. Obviously I would feel at least a little better if the aforementioned things were to get changed...but there are reasons things are as they are. The house is trashed because I can't keep up with my family...between crazy schedules for work and play time etc I am simply not able to keep up...and the last few days have seen several toy "explosions" that I just didn't have the Umph to take care of...so things are really looking nuts at the moment. I haven't dressed because I've needed a shower...and I haven't showered because unless I do it when the kids are sleeping I don't get to (because I can't trust them to behave and not kill each other while I am gone for 15 minutes). I haven't done it the last 2 nights because of the "extra curricular activities" of my daughter, and since I am the only one home at night I don't feel comfortable leaving her to do as she will while I shower...in fact I'm starting to worry about sleeping...since she never does and I actually do, I worry about what she will be into while I am unconscious. I feel blue because it feels like I am trapped and drowning in my own reality and there is very little I can do to change things...also, I am jealous. I'm jealous that everyone else I know seems to have easy, compliant children, or the parents just don't give a crap how the kids behave so they don't have anything to stress over. I'm jealous that my husband gets to meet people at work, gets to interact with adults when he volunteers, gets to get out of this house daily and without the kids. I'm jealous that he gets to go to FL and spend time with our friends and I don't get to go...we can't afford to send more than one (I encouraged him to go, I want him to go, I am still jealous). I'm frustrated with God that we don't have a different financial situation, that my Mom can't find a good job and move out on her own, that we have moved to a town that doesn't offer reasonable prices for food, gas, clothing and that options are so limited. I'm frustrated that I don't have the first clue how I can reasonably change any of this. Sure I can see what's up in the community, but I would have to haul my difficult, ill behaved children along...that nullifies any possible joy or fun we or I could possibly have...also gas is outrageous. I could get involved in a church...but I don't have any desire to surround myself with the trite, uber christians that come with any church...after that I'm not sure what's left. Basically I get to do the same thing I had to do in AZ...wait. It only took 2 years to make a friend...I was only mostly crazy by the time I did make that friend. If you live close to family, friends, or attainable social situations hug yourself...not everyone gets to have that blessing. Let's hope all this venting helps me let go and choose joy for what we've got...and I'm sure I've offered plenty of fodder for those who love to judge that which they think they understand...so everyone should be good now. Yay.