old blog posted here

April 17th 2006
So, Stephanie HAD to bring up the time I fell through a sliding glass door- butt first while on the job...Steph, Phanie, I can't believe you brought this up...I had finally gotten rid of that memory and you had to go and drudge it up again...honestly, I think it's one of the funniest moments of my life...even if it is highly humiliating...so I'm going to retype it for the whole friggin world to see! Ha! Take that Oprah!
It was 2001...summer and I was working accommidations or A-com as we referred to it in Cannon Beach Oregon...the task of the day was maid service...in other words slave labor...I was making beds in a room that should have only held one queen size...yet had two crammed in...one of which was no more than 8-10 inches from a wall of glass and a sliding glass door...I was foolishly complying with the dress code and had long pants on...that got caught on the corner of the bed frame...causing me to lose my balance and go crashing through the slider ass first...amazingly the only thing I hurt was my pride mostly due to the fact that my bed making partner had fallen to the floor in laughter instead of seeing if I was dead...I had to re-live this moment all summer, fall, winter....in fact for the next 4 years until I moved into Washington....cause if I would go to the Conference Center to visit, at least one person would bring that momentous day to light...what I find funny though, is that while I was called Caboose for several weeks...we've called Steph PHANIE for four years....so who really got the back end of that joke?! HA! Love you girl...and just think what kind of damage my preggo huge butt could do to a glass door...heck, knowing me a metal door may be in danger...I'll keep you informed of any back-yard disasters.

May 23, 2006
Burns, butt stains, and bird poop
Current mood:cynical
So, I'm going along minding my own buisness this Saturday and life throws me a crap slap...Jason and I had guests so, as I was finally not feeling vomitus we made them a lovely breakfast...as I took it from the oven I realized that the tender flesh of my forarm was being consumed by the raging heat of hades...yet I can't do a thing about it because the pan is super heavy and I'm only using one pot holder...so I stuggle with the dumb thing till I've finally got it onto the stove only to have given myself a thrid degree burn about the size of a quarter. Soon after breafast we decide to go into town for a few things...as we return to our apt Jason points out that I have been walking through town with a large brown stain on the back of my shorts that looks like I've been driving in a chevy while my pants were feeling heavy-Diarrhea...(no I did not Shat myself...but it looked like I had) no sooner had I changed my shorts and taken the dog out for a leak when...I pause under the shade of a tree and a bird poops on me...at this point I am cursing all things TX and Jason is laughing his head off...he was kind enough to take the dog for the rest of her walk while I tried to hurry home before it dried on me...but it was 107 degrees that day and there was no such luck...sometimes my life could be an unfortunate comedy...but I never get paid for these moments. Ah well...I hope someone can enjoy my drama.

Aug 23, 2006
So I cought myself flapping my arms down the hall today...I really had to go to the bathroom and I was trying to walk faster...it felt like my belly was already in the bathroom and the rest of me needed to catch up...somehow flapping my arms in a propeller type motion was supposed to help...I don't know...but at least I cought myself...then I had a good laugh at how funny that must have looked...pregnant girl waddling and fast as she can waddle with the added arm flapping and look of grim determination on her face...oh and that's the other thing...I keep catching myself waddling...it's like the only way I walk now and it feels very strange...I'm sure this is "normal" when youre prego but I'm not going to endorse it into conciouse practice...whereas I have to make a new effort whenever I open the door to the fridge to not ram it into my belly...you spend your whole life standing the same distance away from the fridge door then one day whammy...youre pregnant and hitting yourself with doors...every time....you would think I would learn but I still forget sometimes that I'm pregnant and then I see myself in the mirror and I'm like whoa time for a diet...oh yeah...baby...heh...ummm...by the way...now that I'm pregnant my brain is vapor...I do the dumbest stuff...the other day I found the oatmeal tub in the freezer and the rest of my PB&J...I don't know why they ended up there...but that is apparently the only place I stick things anymore...also I have to triple check my cooking cause I tend to read things way wrong now too...like 3 TBS instead of 3 cups...no good...maybe I'm not pregnant...maybe I'm just stupid and I can't cook so I've got serious indigestion and bloating...okay, so no....but it COULD happen....maybe.
Oh little Javier...you give me gas.